First few days as an assistant engineer…
I’ve now worked 3 days at this job which totals 27 hours of work. For the first two days I studied their manual on using a custom program they had created. I studied and studied for 18 hours in total and when they gave me the actual program to play around with, along with the selected modules for the department I’m working in; it was hard. I understood it a great deal, however there is one issue which has totally disheartened me for this job and it’s my poor math. (Or maths with an ‘s’ in British English, although I’m more inclined to use AmE…)
Even my basic math or actually my arithmetic is not actually that good. I get so embarrassed when people ask me about any math equation. Understandably, when using their program I have to use some basic mathematics in order to do the job. I just don’t think I’m up to the job and will not likely last very long. I’m not enjoying the job one bit and I’m finding the job boring & frustrating. I’m literally stuck in an office setting in a rural part of town and I pretty much don’t like the atmosphere. For me this job is making me very depressed.
I wish I could give the brain I have now to my past-self when I was around 6 years old, I would be so smart now. I would work so hard at mathematics especially, and try to find an understanding of it. I would work hard on every subject, however I think arithmetic would be somewhere at the forefront of my studying. Then, I’d probably become an accountant, but I totally & utterly hate full-time work and most accounting jobs are full-time. Perhaps after obtaining a degree in something I’d go travel around the world, earning money teaching English which so many others are doing. So, if I’d give my brain to my younger-self, I’d have to account for the fact that I’d want to become especially astute at the English language to be able to teach it to others. With my current job, even though my mathematics isn’t at a high, I think when my tasks become less menial the mathematics involved will be at a higher level. I don’t like to belittle myself, I can’t even ‘get’ Binary, Hexadecimal or Decimals which are very important for the job. I’m just squeezing by to be honest. Apparently, these are very easy to understand and require logic in most cases. However, perhaps, I don’t have the logic for this. I’ve tried to use YouTube videos to explain them, but to me, it is too complicated. As such, I’m suffering as a consequence.
I guess I’m still young and it isn’t too late to become good at math. However, I feel that I don’t have the means in this country to do things that I want to do. I want to be with my girlfriend who lives in South Korea. (She is South Korean, so go figure that one out) But, rightly so, in order to be able to teach English in South Korea, you need at least a Bachelors degree; which I sadly do not have. I want to fly back to England and obtain a Bachelors in English. The course is three years long, but with that degree I could achieve my dream and be with the girl that I want to be with. Then, I have to ask my girlfriend, can you wait three years for me? I don’t think I can expect that, she is 25 and I’m 20. She’ll be 28 and I’ll be 24 (When the course ends), by that time she probably would have already wanted to have married someone she could be with on a stable-basis. I love her so much, but does she love me that much to wait? I’m embarrassed to even ask that type of question.
I don’t know what the future holds, but at the moment I am depressed and just letting everything out.
What have I learned doing this job:
Am I stupid? Yes, for sure. Even though my manager, who is an engineer, says I’m smart. He says I’ve learned their systems very quickly. Which I’ll admit, I have. However, when it comes to the mathematics side of things, I’m a total bone at it. You can throw a bone at the mathematical equation and you’ll get the same response as me. i.e. = nothing.
Perhaps, doing something different would be more preferable. Maybe teaching English. Schools in Taiwan like foreign accents, especially British accents. — I should have done that type of job in the first place. *yawn*
Life is so boring.