by Jonny | Oct 19, 2011 | Updates
So I was walking to the place where I was going to be playing football. However before you get to that area, you have to pass this tennis court. There were like 5 girls sitting on this bench and they turned around when I passed them. I heard them say "ta hen suai" (I don't know pinyin, I studied bopomofo), which means he is handsome or good looking. They stared at me as I walked pass them. I didn't say anything, but acknowledged they were looking at me. 😮 I was literally just 3 feet from them and was just separated by the fencing from them.
I mean I am a humble person if I am honest, but this really boosted my ego, if I had one in the first place at-all. (I don't have much of an ego to be honest) I still don't get why people call me handsome, I mean in some pictures I kind of look OK, but not handsome, but I have had comments of people saying I could be a model. I literally don't think that, though I probably have the lowest self-confidence I have seen in my life-time. (Although I am damn certain that there are people with lower confidence than that of myself)
I'll be honest I consider myself average looking and sometimes ugly, so when people say I look handsome I am somewhat baffled by this. I ponder at the fact that others can find me … good looking. Perhaps it is the idea that I am foreign which is attractive? I don't know lol!!
by Jonny | Oct 11, 2011 | Updates
I had the long awaited test today and I hope I have at least got a pass grade. AT LEAST.
I felt during the test I did OK. Not as good as I should be considering I just spent the past 2 days learning Chinese and I was focused.
The first part of the test was answering a question which the teacher would say. I found this extremely difficult, BUT the teacher came around and said I answered the question correctly. Whether I got the rest of the questions which ensued, correctly, I don't know. Another part of the test entailed making up sentences with a verb given. We just had to make a sentence with those verbs. – I guess this was my favourite part of the test, since I think I did that well. The middle part of the test was simply adding the correct verbs to the questions. (A fill-in the blanks type test)
All in all the test went OK. But I thought that last time and that really hurt me when I got a really low grade. I guess it pushed my motivation for Chinese right out the window. (As I thought I had done well in a previous test)
So this time I am not going to second guess. Whatever mark I get, I get. If I do badly, I will cry to myself while reading my Chinese book. I'll push through. I guess learning Chinese for me has proven that dedication is required in order to learn this language. (Just for me) – Since many of my other friends don't have to be so dedicated to get high marks in tests etc. Yet they do so well.
OK. It is time to study now. I have to practise these two dialogues, one isn't that long, but the other is quite extensive. 🙁 The smaller one I'm not worried about, but the bigger one, I'll find hard to remember. I'll just have to keep repeating it until it is finally in my head!!!
by Jonny | Oct 10, 2011 | Updates
I have spent my day's off (Sunday & Monday) practicing Chinese and mostly on the writing part and reading. I want to conquer that first. Although I still don't think I'm as good as I should be (As I'm studying for long periods), I'm making progress rather than not.
Yesterday, I spent the entire day learning how to write certain characters, which is what I've been doing most of today as well.
But the problem is, I'm not improving my speaking skills. Although I'll know more characters, to be able to talk, you need to use the actual language with your speech. I guess this is the same with most languages.
But the problem with Chinese is that the characters are insanely hard to remember. It is like I have to spend a few hours just on 20 characters to remember them fluently. – Even though I'll probably still forget a few of them. I guess remembering is a huge trait you require if you want to learn Chinese. Otherwise, if you are like me and have a not-so-good memory, you need to keep writing those characters until they are embedded in your head and in your hand! It's funny since I have a friend who seems to be able to write the characters a few times and she can remember it whenever she needs to use it. (My god would that make things easier!) :d
Learning to speak
I downloaded a piece of software and a few GB's of mp3's which I'll use to help my speech and understanding of the structures that Chinese has; something I desperately need to work on. It is all good knowing how to read and write, but if you don't understand how to put sentences together when speaking, then you don't really know the language that well.
I'm getting there slowly.
But the one thing that has faced the ax as a consequence to studying hard is my exercise regime which I had before. I used to go to the gym nearly everyday, but now I am spending that time just studying. The exercise I feel can wait, plus I'm in good shape anyway's and probably above average in terms of fitness. (I can run 10km in 55 minutes; albeit in an air-conditioned gym)
by Jonny | Oct 4, 2011 | Updates
I am officially Taiwanese!
It is pretty great as I can stay in Taiwan for as long as I’d like to stay with no restrictions anymore. I can also work here without having to apply for a working visa. I’m also now able to move to a total of 28 countries (incl. European Union countries) without restriction. How cool is that?
I will likely stay in Taiwan for a long time I think. Depends on the situation, what happens, if I’m still happy here, or if I meet anyone etc. I can already foresee many scenarios which can take place good and bad. So depends on the situation whether or not I stay in Taiwan. However I can definitely see myself here for a good few years. – Which will hopefully let my Chinese advance to higher levels as I become assimilated into the Taiwanese culture and life-style!
But yeah it is funny. The nationality is Taiwanese here from what I can understand, yet on all ‘Taiwanese passports’, it says “The Republic of China (ROC)”. Which is why I have included ‘Chiwanese’ in this title. But don’t worry, I know I’m Taiwanese. *wink*
But, there is a catch! I have to do 11 months of Taiwanese military service. *Oh, shit* Was this worth it? 😛
by Jonny | Sep 28, 2011 | Updates
I played football today, I enjoyed that, but it only feels good for so long and in the end… it ends. Everyone goes home and goes to sleep.
I have been awake for almost 3 days now and going onto my 4th day. I should be really tired, but now that I'm home, I don't feel tired. I think I could probably play another 3 hours of football and still be in the same state.
I just want to feel relaxed, secure and I want everything just to be right. That may not make sense, but I just want it to be all OK.
Sometimes I just want life to just shut down from existence. I just want to get away.
I had a really good day today. Well sort of. I studied in the library for 7 hours and then went to play football for the first time in 4 years.
I should feel happy. Yet here I am feeling lost with no direction, quite literally. (Just thinking about it)
I just want to be at peace. But I can't be at peace. I just can't explain myself either that well as I don't know what the problem is. I just wish I could be a different person and not have to struggle so much god damnit.
Test
I mean I have a test tomorrow for lesson 6. I just finished learning the lesson 5 characters. I thought I was ahead in that. But memorizing so many of these characters is frustrating. I just want to scream right now. (In fact I'm doing that in my head right now)
I'm fake
I have also come to realize I'm very fake. Even when I'm not happy, I appear very happy and I'm good at making myself look happy. I just don't want to upset anyone. I just want to be real. But being real means being upset in front of everyone. It means hurting others. I wish I never told my close friend here in Taiwan about my troubles. I don't want to hurt of affect anyone, but I just feel a little hurt inside.