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"It's not about the destination, it's about the journey. "

Ahhh….. bad day

Let's just say I had an incredibly bad day today. We had our mid-term exam for Chinese and I believe I didn't do so well. The writing test I was more calm and at ease with that, although I do believe I got more than just a few questions wrong. However the oral (speaking) test was bad for me. I was really nervous and frustrated from the writing test. However the teacher couldn't have asked easier questions. My god I failed so bad in that respect. I think today I'll just stay in and chill out at home and leave Chinese for tonight to study. I have been studying nearly every single freaking day yet what I'm seemingly only remembering is the characters. The technical aspects of Chinese such as the grammar and actual understanding of the combination of words is what confuses me the most.


Another teacher from another class told me that  needed to embrace the words/characters as if it were my first language. I need to throw out the English and replace it with Chinese. But this is the first language I have ever really put any thought into. Other than online scripting languages such as PHP, HTML, CSS and a few others.


I have a really good Japanese friend and she can't speak English (Only Japanese), she is also learning Chinese while also struggling nearly at the same level as me. However I think she is a little better than me considering she knows Japanese. By that viewpoint I guess she is kind of better than me as she has more of an understanding because of that. Anyway's I spoke to this good friend of mine for around an hour, considering we can't speak the same language that is a feat in itself. – I mean I can understanding her meaning even if they are a little skewed and she seems to be able to understand me and is able to respond in-kind. (Talking in simple Chinese and English; a combination of the tw0) She gave me a hug which is exactly what I needed. I'll admit I didn't know how to embrace the hug considering I haven't had a hug in quite a while. She made me feel good and she said to me "you are not alone", that really helped me.


The only complaint I could make is against my teacher, I don't think she actually cares too much as to whether or not my Chinese is good or not. Where with my speech teacher she actually gives a shit and tries to help me understand. I just wish this course was in English (Especially the grammar part) as I totally get confused when it is explained to me in Chinese.


That I guess is enough for today.


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