My god I could not believe myself. My anxiety problems are worse than I previously thought. When the teacher told us to read out a dialogue in Chinese in front of the class, my heart was pumping and beating so fast. I managed to do it correctly and everything, but I felt something after which I have never felt before. I just felt stressed and annoyed at myself for being the way I am. I was literally shaking and I don’t know why. My hands were just shaking uncontrollably.
Perhaps, that is the first step of getting past my nerves about speaking in front of everyone. Maybe the feeling I felt was something I needed and required and is the first step before anything else.
I don’t know why I am like this. When I done my business course in the UK, – I felt anxiety when we had to do a presentation in front of everyone; however, I never really felt like this. The reason for the differentiation between my business course & my Chinese course is the fact that with my Chinese course I feel as if I am no good at the subject.
In fact I am not good at this subject. It hurts since I want to achieve something while I am learning, but I just feel I am not achieving much. That’s all.