So, I just came across this video, well, sort of. I actually saw this video the day it came out as it was a front page hit on Reddit (Usually where I get the latest craze) and it really affected me.
I can’t say that I was bullied, as I was a big guy and I would try and act strong to protect myself. But I had the fair bit of verbal abuse. I was called dumb, stupid, fat, and a numerous amount of things, even by friends that I had known for quite sometime. I was the nervous type in school, but while in school I tried many things to get myself out of the social bubble I had created for myself. I tried to open up and I feel I opened up too late. It wasn’t the social issue that was my problem; it was the fact that I always worried about my image that had been created from the verbal abuse in the past. And because of this I never focused on homework or school, or saw the importance of subjects that I objected to doing.
It was only when I went to college when I started to come out of that bubble, I had more confidence and felt that I was worth more than the dust that I overlooked that I saw as myself. I did really well in the business class I took and that made me push onto my dream of doing something related to computers. I then took a course in computing/IT and I got a Merit grade in that. – Now, after having worked in a Taiwanese company as a computer engineer I feel a lot more confident than ever before in going back to college and getting myself a degree. (While also learning and bettering myself)
It still affects me today; however, obviously I’m now a lot better and I feel that my life is now on the right track. Family issues have also affected in ways that I cannot imagine and have made things worse. That’s now over and right now, in the present, I feel a lot more confident in myself and I really do feel I have enough courage to do things that I couldn’t possibly do before. Although the past has affected me this video has really engaged me to leave the past to the past and focus on the present.
When I originally came to Taiwan, the first thing I said to myself was “It’s time to fucking lose some weight” and then I said: “It’s time to learn Mandarin“, “It’s time to be a man” and “I need to find a girl to love me.”. Now I’m at the point where I’m saying: “I need to go back to college to study.“. My thought process has come a long way. I have matured in ways that I could not have imagined.
Coming back to the video… my favourite part in the video is this bit:
but I want to tell them
that all of this shit
is just debris
leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought
we used to be
and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself
get a better mirror
look a little closer
stare a little longer
because there’s something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit
you built a cast around your broken heart
and signed it yourself
you signed it
“they were wrong”
because maybe you didn’t belong to a group or a click
maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything
maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth
to show and tell but never told
because how can you hold your ground
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it
you have to believe that they were wrong
Here’s also another poem that I found through someone who was up-voted to the top comments of this very video, who posted this poem:
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.