I was around 17 when I broke my leg. I could hold my own when I used to run before I broke my leg. I wasn't fast at running, but I could run for miles without stopping. I was young, fit and very active. Then when playing football school, I had the ball as usual and a guy who was around the age of 18 slide tackled me and hit my shin. It broke my leg in two places. After that the school temporarily banned football from being played for a couple months. Basketball came the thing. Of course I wasn't attending school, I was having my leg tendered by several doctors and nurses who broke my leg back into the right position then operated by placing a steel frame around my leg and eventually I found out I had a titanium nail in my leg. (Still even today)
I'm not sure I can say it ruined my life, but in a way it kind of did. Would my life be different today if I was still healthy and active, would I have made better decisions? Or would I be as depressed as I am today. I don't know what the outcome would have been. But you just imagine sometimes and think, what if? What if decisions and actions in life were changed slightly, would it totally change your life?
I remember when I was 16, I knew nothing about computers, well in the sense I wasn't really that interested. My dream was to become a athlete of some sort, whether that be a footballer or something to do with sports. Then when I broke my leg, I had a laptop with me, I was in bed constantly for 6 months. I missed the cross-country run my school was having, I was pitted as first place after the Year 11's left school. – As my class had stepped up onward a year to Year 10. I missed all that and most importantly I lost my stamina, fitness and goal to become some sort of sportsman.
I guess I was thinking about this as I was struggling in my local park in Taiwan to complete a lap around a running track, just jogging. I remembered I could easily run that and 10 times more when I was around 16. It kind of broke my heart today just looking back and that and seeing what had gained in return for the loss of my fitness. I gained these qualities in my opinion:
The ability to touch type on my computer. As I said, I wasn't that interested in computers. I had messed around with computers in 1998, when my Dad bought a £900 computer which you would probably find in a scrap yard today. With this ability I gained high scores in college as I could type fast, do it very well and eloquently with the help of spell check and the nifty synonym tool in Microsoft Word. (I could make my work sound professional)
Knowledge of the internet and how to setup websites and how they work. I bought domain names, knew how to search engine optimize (SEO) and gained knowledge in the web hosting sector running several free and paid web hosts.
Understanding of others views through the internet. I used to do a lot of forum debating. It made me learn and understand how to debate and understand others views.
So what did I lose?
Okay, so I understand I lost my fitness and in return I got technology and sort of became a nerd. Well not a nerd really. Since I don't act like a total freak around technology, but most of my days I spend around my computer.
But there is another aspect that I lost. It was my social ability. I spent 6 months in a bed, no school, education or anything like that. I had friends come around after school, but that isn't the same. I also used to have a really hot best friend (Yes, she is a girl), she used to come round and lay next to me while using my laptop. I used to have a crush on her mere beauty, smell and personality. She had it all, what a crazy person she was and what a crazy person I was for not asking her out ONCE.
She moved to another school, a couple years later however and I never really spoke to her again, she became a better friend with my sister though. I guess that was a day and age when I felt like I was worth something and when my family were totally secure.
I had no worries or insecurities. In school, it was purely about image and just looking good. If there is still something that I have wrong in me today is the fact that I cannot talk to girls in a way to ask them out. I am confident when I'm drunk and I will ask a girl to go for more than a date, but that is because I'm freaking drunk, I have an excuse as to why I asked and if it goes wrong, heck I'm fucking drunk, I didn't know I asked. :p But when I'm sober, I'm less confident, less appealing and a lesser person. A nobody in the crowd.
So I guess I loss a bit of my social mobility. I guess when I was younger I could have gone out more. But to be honest, I was very manipulated about the concern of having an image in school. I used to wear clothes purely on the basis I didn't want to be naked. But others would where clothes just for the image. I turned into the same monster and started wearing chav clothes. Basically chavs are linked to being douche bags or pretend-hard men, even though that idea is silly, but the ideal in England has changed to people wearing gangsta clothes nowadays. Though you still see a lot of chavs around on a street corner, thinking they own the place. But I guess I was bought into the idea, that to be cool, you would have to wear these clothes. That ideal didn't last long as I took a long stare at myself and thought, "what a fool that guy is". So I wore the mixture of gansgta (Baggy hoodies or big T-shirts) and just normal jeans or shorts. It had an advantage to the fact it was more comfortable to wear and it actually looked good.
But the trade off between what I loss and gained, I'm not sure if it were reversed and I was still very fit, would much have changed?
I often find that it is music which can cheer you up or just forget about everything that is going on. I guess gaming does this as well. I game quite a lot and gaming helps. It makes you forget, it makes you think about other things going on which really mean nothing in the world. But for those few hours, you feel different, you feel you aren’t in trouble anymore. There is no one on the planet but yourself that matters and you use that self-importance to help others which you’d like to do in real life. Anyone reading this probably won’t understand, but that’s fine, because I understand.
I loved this version of “I’m coming home”, but this was sung differently to what I’ve heard and is an nice acoustic piece. It kind of relates in someways to my situation. It doesn’t offer a solution out, but states that someone is coming home and it doesn’t really what happens, because that person is going to where he/she belongs. Maybe I need to have that feeling of being able to belong somewhere as opposed to having to stay somewhere just for the sake of things. I guess that is another thing I have learned and maybe I’ll feel like I belong one day and “Let the rain wash away all the pains of yesterday”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVrK8L4adg8
“Instead of sitting around, looking down onto tomorrow…”
I went around and did some thinking for an unspecified amount of time. I didn’t really care about the time that I was wasting doing nothing but purely thinking. But the thing is, I don’t have a clue what I was thinking about. What is there to think about when your life sucks and there is nothing you can do about it. Either way, if I do, do something then I’m going to always hurt someone. I wish I could explain it.
Either way, it was a good going out, even thought it was raining. Taichung Park is quite beautiful and I especially liked it when there was no one there, since it was raining. I had the park all to myself.
But I was thinking about my parent and my sister. My sister doesn’t know the full picture, nor does she know how I feel at-all. I feel like shit right now, but she doesn’t know that. At least she has friends she can rely on. I have no one. I am alone in this world I feel. I have my dad I can relate to but even still I need someone else. I can’t go on living like this. Hopefully when I go into university to learn Chinese I’ll make some really good friends. I just feel really alone and sad because of this.
I’m scared for my future…
I guess I’m a little worried for my future. Or for a future I don’t have or one that I don’t want, essentially one that sucks. When walking to the park I saw two homeless people, they carry around 20 plastic bags around and they look through garbage to find bottles, cans and other raw materials so they can sell them to the recycling yard. I just don’t want that to ever be me. I’m sure those guys who are now homeless and are at the bottom of life would appreciate any help they could get. I mean what brought them to a situation to where they are now living on the streets. We were all innocent kids once, what in gods name cursed them into a situation where they are now living on the streets. As I write this now, 5-10 years from now I could be on the streets. In fact this blog won’t even exist. What will stop the inevitable if I run out of money or if I can’t make money? This is the capitalistic gnome of things. You can’t make money? Well guess what pal, you are fucked.
I game quite a bit on my computer however only really play one game and that is Project Reality, I am an admin on a popular server, so I guess that kind of makes me qualified to post on getting a mouse which fits to your hand perfectly.
I’ve bought 4 PC mouses since I’ve been in Taiwan and I can tell you the best that I have bought have come from a company named iRocks. They make very good PC mouses. However my original iRocks mouse went wrong, I lost the black round things which attach to the four corners of the mouse, they just fell off and I couldn’t find them. So I had to buy a new mouse since I couldn’t find where to buy replacements for them. I originally had this mouse:
But as said previously the black things which attach to the four corners fell off (Not all of them, just one of them) which caused my mouse to spasm even when I didn’t touch or move it. – i.e. I could see my mouse moving even though I didn’t move it. I attached tape to that corner and tried some other stuff, but it still didn’t fix the problem. It was affecting my gameplay as I couldn’t aim accurately. I went back to the shop which sold me the mouse and went to see if they were selling the same model. They didn’t unfortunately. So I thought I’d try one of those “gaming” designed mouses and god was that not any better. DPI was too fast and I couldn’t change it to a suitable level. Here it is:
So I went out again to buy a new mouse. This time I only looked for iRocks products since their products had been useful and the mouse was very comfortable for my hand. (I have big hands) I bought the iRocks IR-7810L and it is freaking awesome. I can now aim accurately and especially so in close quarters to which I have of course tested in-game. My previous mouse really made me bad in close quarters, added to the fact that my ping on US servers does not help (Over 200ms). Here it is:
I would certainly recommend iRocks products to you if you ever needed a mouse. They are comfortable & extremely accurate when playing games. I would suggest not buying the iGota mouse unless you want to be shooting all over the place and have a weakened hand the same time as it is quite uncomfortable to play with. Though browsing the internet is fine with that mouse, it is just playing games where you are intensely using the mouse.
Whatever the case, I am happy I have found a decent mouse which didn’t cost me much.
