by Jonny | Sep 26, 2011 | Updates
I don’t know why, but I am re-motivated to learn Chinese now. Maybe it is because of this quote and combined with my medicine that I am taking, it let me think thoroughly about what this actually means.
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. – Nelson Mandela
But today I never conquered my fear. It will take time for me to become more confident with Chinese and a lot of studying will have to be involved. My brain sort of freezes when I’m up in front of everyone trying to read a dialogue which is in Chinese. I mean it isn’t as if I don’t know how to read it or how to memorize it, it is the fact that when I’m under pressure my mind scrambles in every direction. It often happens with new friends, but I am becoming better at controlling it.
But I’m definitely studying harder. Although I should really have studied hard on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I only studied from Sunday evening to Monday 7:30am. I never got any sleep, so I was a little knackered in class and fell asleep a few times.
I’m taking this learning curve very slowly if that makes sense. I don’t want to rush and miss things. But the paper that the teacher gave us for homework was absolutely hard. It took me 2 hours to complete it and apparently the test we are having tomorrow (She changed it from today to tomorrow) is going to be as hard. So luckily I have an extra day to further study for this test. It will give me more time for preparation and to hopefully be able to answer most of these hard questions without any trouble. Although realistically, I don’t think I will be able to answer most these questions.
I just wish the test was a little easier. For example translating bopomo into Chinese characters. It is very hard for all of us in the class, from what I have seen, to be looking for errors/mistakes and correcting them in sentences. You have to learn how to do it somehow, but you really need to know the grammar in Chinese first before you can do any of that. I kind of know the grammar structure, but it is very difficult to re-arrange words into sentences which make sense, since the structure is almost backwards to that of English in some sentences. Plus there are measure words, which I haven’t really understood or studied much about. But they are horrible. I mean you have to remember the measure words for different objects/things/people. Why can’t you just say “three people” or “2 newspapers”, instead you have to say liang fen bao. (Fen = being the measure word)
Whatever the case, I hope to study hard today, after a good rest, since I need one.
by Jonny | Sep 21, 2011 | Updates
My god I could not believe myself. My anxiety problems are worse than I previously thought. When the teacher told us to read out a dialogue in Chinese in front of the class, my heart was pumping and beating so fast. I managed to do it correctly and everything, but I felt something after which I have never felt before. I just felt stressed and annoyed at myself for being the way I am. I was literally shaking and I don’t know why. My hands were just shaking uncontrollably.
Perhaps, that is the first step of getting past my nerves about speaking in front of everyone. Maybe the feeling I felt was something I needed and required and is the first step before anything else.
I don’t know why I am like this. When I done my business course in the UK, – I felt anxiety when we had to do a presentation in front of everyone; however, I never really felt like this. The reason for the differentiation between my business course & my Chinese course is the fact that with my Chinese course I feel as if I am no good at the subject.
In fact I am not good at this subject. It hurts since I want to achieve something while I am learning, but I just feel I am not achieving much. That’s all.
by Jonny | Sep 20, 2011 | Updates
I was speaking to my friend from South Korea today and he was also having difficulties learning Chinese. However that is more than understandable considering he managed to skip to a higher level for the Chinese language course.
He is a good friend and I like his advice. He studies very hard I believe however he has started to lose interest in Chinese. We kind of talked it over and he said he didn't have a good enough reason to study Chinese, which is why he is losing interest he believes. I think it is for other reasons. What I believe he is asking himself is "What do I do after I learn Chinese?" or "Am I going to get a job which I will like with the language I am learning?”
In a sense I agree with him. Although I have a pretty damn good reason to be learning this language since I am Taiwanese. Even though I have a good reason and should have this huge drive to be learning this language I am finding this language very tough to muster and to learn. I feel I am learning too slowly and even when I repeatedly find methods which usually work when memorizing the characters, when someone asks me to write those characters, I find it very difficult.
What I also find very difficult is the measurement words to remember in Chinese since books, pens, newspapers all have different measurement words which go before them. So if you want to order two books, you need to know the measurement words. Although you don't in reality considering you'd just pick up two books or you can just say 2 books and not include the measurement word. But I just feel bad every time I have a test, because it seems I am the only guy in class that struggles. I can study the day before and even for the entire week, but yet when it comes to answering questions I am given, I struggle hard. – Harder than anyone else it feels like.
But I am trying to change my attitude since it stinks. I am too afraid to speak and when the teacher asks me any questions, I am afraid to answer or make a fool out of myself. I even made a simple mistake today which some people laughed at. But I noticed the mistake and it was a very small error which I looked past. The error that I found was that I was trying to say the Chinese as fast as I could so people wouldn't think I was slow. The error I made was that I said a little more than I should have done. But that is because I never focused on what I was reading. Otherwise I would have totally understood the question, had I not been so worried about what others were thinking of me.
Tomorrow I will try to change. But I have a feeling or gut instinct I won’t like my test results that I did today. That will make me go back to thinking like a 0 or a nothing. I just hope that things can improve a little more quickly than they are at the moment.
I just feel that with life it comes down to money. You have money? Well you can be who you want and do what you want. You can go on nice holidays and not worry about any bills. – Buy anything you want and do anything you want. No insecurities really. Though I am sure a lot of rich people create insecurities for themselves. I would be more relaxed with learning Chinese, would probably pay for 1 on 1 class everyday and perhaps outside classes too to speed up my learning abilities that bit more. That is the power of money.
by Jonny | Sep 14, 2011 | Updates
I suffer greatly from anxiety. People can realise this however they don't see it as a condition. They just think I am too scared or if you want to go ghetto, they think I is pussy. But the the thing is anxiety is a huge problem for me. I wish I never had it and I wish I could overcome it. Which is why I think it is quite a good idea for me to go into the Taiwanese military. It will make me man up and overcome my worries. Or the other thing it could do is push me into a deeper hole. Though I don't mind congregating with other people and I think I would make a decent amount of friends if I did indeed join the army. – Even though the advice I have recieved is to not join, as for example I might be bullied since I don't know Chinese too well. Though as long as I do what everyone else is doing, I think I will be fine and I may need a little extra help.
To kind of ensure that my langauge capabilites are at a reasonable level, I am now taking one on one classes. It costs around $600NT per hour. But I am only going to do one hour per week. The teacher is very nice and she speaks English. Though she has stated it isn't a good idea to learn via translating from Chinese to English. It is better to think about what the character or said word means as opposed to translation from English to Chinese; as said.
I hope these extra classes or the extra learning will help me improve. I recently read a book on A.D.D, I really have all symtoms, but I don't want to go to a doctor since it will be too expensive in my opinion. I just want the medicine.
I just hate being the guy that forgets. I hope my Chinese improves significantly, I feel like a failure at the moment.
by Jonny | Sep 12, 2011 | Updates
Yesterday we went to two restaurants not 2 hours from each other. It was kind of ridiculous, but my mother is kind of like that. I ate too much at the first restaurant, so when we went to the second one, I still ate, but now I feel like a pig. I also didn't realise we were going to another restaurant since I wasn't too clear on what they (My cousin and my mother) were saying in Chinese. (I actually had no idea what they were talking about…)
The food was good however I now feel I need to do twice as much exercise today, since I ate way too much. Here are some pictures of the food:
The food was pretty decent. Though I did not take any pictures of the second restaurant since I had no clue where we were going, so I just left my camera at home. But the first restaurant had some interesting decor and interior design. It was like a road, but inside a small nice warehouse. I have pictures of them, but I need to resize them, since they are around 4 – 5 mb's each in size!
