by Jonny | Sep 28, 2011 | Updates
Yesterday I went with possibly who I would call one of greatest friends I have made in Taiwan to go grab something to eat. We both spoke to the boss (Laoban) or my friend really did the talking since he knows more Chinese than me. – But he's studied very hard to get to where he is now with Chinese.
I knew the boss/owner of the restaurant since my friend Laura knew him and when it was her birthday, he seemed extremely nice and kind. – He bought Laura a cake, just on the whim, since we were just passing by. So I said to my friend, let's go eat at his place. His food was pretty nice and would recommend eating at his again.
He drew me and my Korean friend some pictures, which I thought were pretty damn funny:
The Laoban's representation of me with the teacher is of epic proportions. It is amazing how a picture can so easily explain your situation or the way you feel. Good shit, as I would usually say in the UK and good fucking shit for the amazing representation of a situation of the entire nation! (WOT)
by Jonny | Sep 26, 2011 | Updates
I've find my motivation. In fact I don't need any motivation to learn Chinese. – That is my motivation. I feel that if you need to be motivated into doing something, you are going to do it "half-assed". Doing it properly, means you have to like the subject you are doing and you will have to be serious about learning but also find it fun to keep you motivated. (Although I said previously you don't need to be motivated to learn the language for a reason, but you do need to be motivated to study the language, but also enjoy the language) – Now I feel I am talking out of my but-hole, but that doesn't matter, because I'm just spewing whatever is coming out of head.
Although I'm finding Chinese difficult I'm trying hard enough. But is that enough? I hope so. But also gaining proper understanding of Chinese is paramount. You may work your butt off and you may work the hardest you have ever worked, but that still might not make you understand. – I guess that is the stage of where I'm at. But I talked to my good American friend who has studied for a year and he said that the Chinese in the end will just "click" into your head. I guess it's like how I can type so fast and accurately. I couldn't do it before, but after a lot of practice and usage I'm now able to fluently type and as they say practice makes perfect.
Although I haven't been to sleep for the past 24 hours continuing onto now, I feel my drive to learn Chinese at night now for some reason. The only problem is that I don't get any sleep, but I find I'm more concentrated at night, so it's all good.
by Jonny | Sep 26, 2011 | Updates
I don’t know why, but I am re-motivated to learn Chinese now. Maybe it is because of this quote and combined with my medicine that I am taking, it let me think thoroughly about what this actually means.
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. – Nelson Mandela
But today I never conquered my fear. It will take time for me to become more confident with Chinese and a lot of studying will have to be involved. My brain sort of freezes when I’m up in front of everyone trying to read a dialogue which is in Chinese. I mean it isn’t as if I don’t know how to read it or how to memorize it, it is the fact that when I’m under pressure my mind scrambles in every direction. It often happens with new friends, but I am becoming better at controlling it.
But I’m definitely studying harder. Although I should really have studied hard on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I only studied from Sunday evening to Monday 7:30am. I never got any sleep, so I was a little knackered in class and fell asleep a few times.
I’m taking this learning curve very slowly if that makes sense. I don’t want to rush and miss things. But the paper that the teacher gave us for homework was absolutely hard. It took me 2 hours to complete it and apparently the test we are having tomorrow (She changed it from today to tomorrow) is going to be as hard. So luckily I have an extra day to further study for this test. It will give me more time for preparation and to hopefully be able to answer most of these hard questions without any trouble. Although realistically, I don’t think I will be able to answer most these questions.
I just wish the test was a little easier. For example translating bopomo into Chinese characters. It is very hard for all of us in the class, from what I have seen, to be looking for errors/mistakes and correcting them in sentences. You have to learn how to do it somehow, but you really need to know the grammar in Chinese first before you can do any of that. I kind of know the grammar structure, but it is very difficult to re-arrange words into sentences which make sense, since the structure is almost backwards to that of English in some sentences. Plus there are measure words, which I haven’t really understood or studied much about. But they are horrible. I mean you have to remember the measure words for different objects/things/people. Why can’t you just say “three people” or “2 newspapers”, instead you have to say liang fen bao. (Fen = being the measure word)
Whatever the case, I hope to study hard today, after a good rest, since I need one.
by Jonny | Sep 25, 2011 | Updates
I haven't seen my sister face-to-face nearly for one year now. I miss her so much. I see on Facebook she has a picture of me and her just before I boarded my flight to Taiwan as her profile picture. It kind of brings me to tears since I think I didn't kiss her and hug her enough before I left for Taiwan. I miss her terribly, I really do. I have never been this far away from my sister for so long before. Usually I can keep my emotions to myself and I don't usually shed a tear, but looking at the picture, even though I think I look like crap in it, I wish I took more pictures with her when I was in the UK. It was my loss.
She say's she'll come here next year, which I can't wait for. I just don't want the situation to be where I'll go back and it'll be as if I hardly even know her anymore. But I feel she will still be the amazing bubbly sister I have always known.
I guess I feel emotional because of the medicine I take now. It makes me more focused, so when I focused on that picture, I recalled all the good and bad times that we both went through. If there is anyone I can tell something to, it is her. It is her I can have a conversation with and feel as if I am worth something. I just want to talk to her face-to-face and to see what she has been up to and how she has been coping. She seem's to be doing OK in the UK and I'm glad that she has a large network of friends helping and supporting her.
What makes me feel even worse is that my sister cried at the airport when I went to board. I just think back to that moment now and just wish I could go back to hug her and to say everything will be alright. Although I always helped my sis with her college assignments and comforted her, I could have been much nicer to her. When we were just living together by ourselves after a family problem, my sister took care of me. I had good friends, but they didn't last for long, my sister stood right beside me all the time. Which is why I miss her.
On my Facebook info section, I wrote:
I like to take pictures. I now consider it a type of hobby. But I like just purely taking pictures with friends and family. Otherwise you will find later that you will regret the pictures you didn't take and appreciate the pictures you did take.
I wish I had taken more pictures with my sister and I wish I was less afraid of the camera back then. I just wish I had more guts when I was younger, although I am improving now, there really is no time to waste. So when my sister comes to Taiwan (Hopefully I won't be serving in the military), I will take as many pictures of her that I can. Hopefully both together. (So I'll get others to take the pictures)
I hate thinking. It always reduces me to tears especially when it is family related or so personal. This Ritalin (Medicine I'm taking) is good at making you focus, but it also makes you focus on other things you sometimes don't want to focus on. Though I'm glad I'm thinking of my sister right now and I'm glad that I am shedding a few tears over her.
Me and my sister at a younger age
Man I could do with a hug right now. That would feel great. I don't think I have had a hug in over 14 months, not even from my mother. But damn would a hug feel awesome. Just a simple soft and kind hug from a nice person, even if a stranger. It would get so much off my back knowing that others cared just that little bit about me.
— Also I'm not the type of guy to complain or share my emotions (Or at least my sad emotions) like this so easily. I usually keep everything inside, I guess this blog is my relief for now, until I can find someone who cares and who can give me regular warm hugs. I need emotional support I think. If people knew the crap I've been through the last 3-4 years, they would understand. I just don't complain about it since others usually have bigger problems and I'm too embarrassed and have no reason to tell my problems to others. But I need to release that crap somehow as I can feel something building up emotionally inside me.
I'm a little broken inside, but is there really anything which can't be fixed?
That's it for now. I miss ya sis.
by Jonny | Sep 25, 2011 | Updates
Yesterday I went to see "Friends with benefits. I went with my new friends. I think they are pretty awesome even though I don't know them that well.
Critique on the film
The actors were fine but the story was a little lame. The film has a few funny parts and also a few sad parts. The one thing that was sad was about the dad who had altzheimers. – That part of the film which they capitalized on was great, it brought out a little emotion.
But the film in a nut-shell was essentially about 2 people who broke up in relationships and they both came together and became good friends. In the end they were having sex with each other however the sex was a truce that they only be friends and not take it any further. In the end they become a couple after a few life changing events.
The story wasn't great! I regret seeing the film, but the French/Swedish girls with us seemed to enjoy it, so I am content with that. :p We went to see the film at a place called "Tiger City". It is a large shopping mall with most things a regular shopping mall has. It is also very nice looking.
This is a picture with the group I went with:
