I went around and did some thinking for an unspecified amount of time. I didn’t really care about the time that I was wasting doing nothing but purely thinking. But the thing is, I don’t have a clue what I was thinking about. What is there to think about when your life sucks and there is nothing you can do about it. Either way, if I do, do something then I’m going to always hurt someone. I wish I could explain it.
Either way, it was a good going out, even thought it was raining. Taichung Park is quite beautiful and I especially liked it when there was no one there, since it was raining. I had the park all to myself.
But I was thinking about my parent and my sister. My sister doesn’t know the full picture, nor does she know how I feel at-all. I feel like shit right now, but she doesn’t know that. At least she has friends she can rely on. I have no one. I am alone in this world I feel. I have my dad I can relate to but even still I need someone else. I can’t go on living like this. Hopefully when I go into university to learn Chinese I’ll make some really good friends. I just feel really alone and sad because of this.
I’m scared for my future…
I guess I’m a little worried for my future. Or for a future I don’t have or one that I don’t want, essentially one that sucks. When walking to the park I saw two homeless people, they carry around 20 plastic bags around and they look through garbage to find bottles, cans and other raw materials so they can sell them to the recycling yard. I just don’t want that to ever be me. I’m sure those guys who are now homeless and are at the bottom of life would appreciate any help they could get. I mean what brought them to a situation to where they are now living on the streets. We were all innocent kids once, what in gods name cursed them into a situation where they are now living on the streets. As I write this now, 5-10 years from now I could be on the streets. In fact this blog won’t even exist. What will stop the inevitable if I run out of money or if I can’t make money? This is the capitalistic gnome of things. You can’t make money? Well guess what pal, you are fucked.
