So I am studying Chinese right now in Taiwan. (Mandarin) It is as if everyone is better than me. In fact they are better than me. I won’t kid myself. I thought I would be able to learn Chinese (Mandarin) really fast or at least pick it up easily. I can only really remember half of BoPoMoFo. I was kind of depressed in class today and wasn’t so excited in learning the language As at first I was quite motivated and excited about learning the language. Now it is just one of those ‘meh’ things which I don’t really have any motivation for anymore. I mean at least if someone else sucked badly like me, I wouldn’t be alone, but it seems everyone is decent for a beginner learning Chinese while I still suck.
I understand that people will say that no one is better than one other person, but in this case it is proven fact. It is as if I can’t remember or I don’t have to brain to learn this language. Basically what I am saying is that I am dense when it comes to learning this. Probably most other things as well. The funny thing is when doing computer science I excelled in front of everyone else. Here I am the last guy to complete tasks, the last guy to understand, the only guy who doesn’t understand, the nervous guy, the freak from my own perception or the dumb ass (Idiot).
Recently I posted a bit of text on Facebook saying “One day you will be able to download Chinese into your brain..”. I am afraid I probably won’t ever see that, but perhaps one day it will happen. It is just so frustrating how others can pick up what is said and remember them without any detriment to the pronunciation of the symbol.
I just wish I was smart enough just to learn something in my life that would be useful for my future. Maybe I will crack learning Chinese one day, but why am I the one that is so behind in the class. The teacher even said to me that I’m not stupid, as she saw that I was upset or in a bad way, but that is what you expect others to say when you are actually dumb. So that really didn’t help.
If there is one thing I’d ask to a greater power, it would be to give me money. If that wasn’t an option, then a brain would be pretty nice. Or a brain that could at least remember stuff as opposed to losing information as soon as it is said to me. I don’t know. I thought I was out of this depression, but from my stand point, bad things keep happening and I try… but it never works out.
