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"It's not about the destination, it's about the journey. "

Doubting myself

I have my job interview in 2 hours or so and I’m right now at home just doubting myself in every way. I mean this company that I have an interview for, well,  is a software company.

So I was thinking just to console myself to list all the skills I do have, which I can bring up, though apparently some workers there can speak decent enough English, however, I’m not sure whether speaking Mandarin is an absolute requirement or at what level. So, I thought I’d list the skills I have and that I could probably use to benefit the company:

  • I am a hard worker, I won’t be late to work. This is attributed to the fact that I did work delivering papers everyday at 6 am in the morning for 4 years.
  • I can touch type and I am very fluent with how the web works with marketing. (AdSense, AdWords, Yahoo Advertising, MSN AdCenter etc etc)
  • I can create websites with the use of blogs and design logos which will match those websites.
  • I can speak, write and type in fluent English. Though these might already be attributes which most hold in this office where I might be working in the future.
  • I can talk on the phone if I am given enough information, and I can probably sell something pretty damn well if need be it.
  • I have a grasp of internet and the way it works. I can script in HTML/CSS and I’m learning Python. I’m also good at managing websites.

The horrible thing is the job description that I know so far is just “computer” according to my mother who I told to inquire about when she was talking to her friend, whose husband owns the business. I’m just terrified that I am going to walk into an office and then be questioned whether I can do this or that, with myself saying “I probably couldn’t do that…” if he is looking for specialised skills, which I may not have. I am already at an all time low with my learning Chinese, so another rejection of sorts would kind of finish me — I’m not sure what I would do in that case. I believe I have a disorder called social anxiety, which means I am constantly thinking about others and my own opinion about myself and worried about those opinions especially if they are bad.

But then again, I have had to console myself by saying, what is the worst that can happen? I get rejected, I just move on. But the thing is, this is my big break. If this is a decent job which I don’t mind doing for most of my life, then hallelujah, I have find something which I will finally enjoy and make money while doing so.

So am I scared to death? Yes I am.

In an hour and a half, I will have to ring the bosses wife as she will pick me up and take me to the office, which I’ve seen (On Google Maps) and it looks pretty decent. They have an office and a factory right next to each other. Even if I got a factory job just putting components together, I think I would be pretty much satisfied if the pay was any good.

Hopefully I can make friends with the bosses son, if I do that, I’m pretty much assured a job without any problems; I think. Whatever the case, apparently this is as a favour from the bosses wife to my mum. – As I’ve been told that when the bosses wife was younger, she was poor and like my mum, she gave money to her and took care of bosses wife and her brothers and sisters. – Which may have been the trigger somewhat to their success in making a company. So this is sort of like a “payback” if I’m allowed to describe it as that.

So hopefully it goes well. If it doesn’t, I will continue with life, learning Mandarin and trying to live life day by day and just try to gain some new experiences around this country. I really want to go to Kenting… so, who knows?

Peace out.

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